Max's Chromatic Lenses

Ananda...the joy in existence without which the universe would collapse.
-A Swiftly Tilting Planet by Madeliene L'Engle

I took Max's Luscher's 8-color personality test and I was up all night trying to analyze myself. It was very hard. There are supposed to be recurring color pairs, but I have only one and its such a depressing color pair: gray/brown. The color pair of exhaustion.

I'm exhausted.

And when trouble come crawling my way, everything is background. Gray moves to the second position and I focus on yellow: on hope, on happiness, on the future. Everything else is slid under the rug.

It's really silly when I realize that I chose blue last. Blue? Last on my choice? I probably wasn't myself. Maybe I was having a seizure. But then, blue moves up to the fourth position and becomes my X function. I'm calm, normally...no reason for being calm, no reason to be calm. I'm just really calm, but it doesn't make me happy.

I'm a workaholic. The test said anyway... I find happiness in exhaustion. Really? Well, maybe.

Bu even exhaustion is background to yellow.
Yellow is my ideal.

The happiness of Yellow. Not the calm and depth that comes with blue. Not the stability that comes with brown. Not the stubborness and resilience that comes with green. Not the superficial happiness of intimacy that comes with violet*. Not the will to achieve that comes with red.

The simple happiness of Yellow. The expansive happiness of yellow. The yellow light that diffuses into infinity. The light that has no focus, no direction, no purpose. No purpose but to shine and have joy in shining. The light that must spread and scatter and grow weaker the farther it is from the center and eventually becomes just another little star in the sky.

Actually, I'm just playing up my Yellow. I haven't even mentioned my obliterated work group (I'm a momentary spark, not a burning flame when it comes to 'work') or my rejected green (I have no anchor, no base of operations and I sort of never make up my mind) or my rejected violet (lack of commitment).

Oh, well.
I don't really care.
I'm alive and I'm happy.

Some patterns I found weird in my colors:
1. Yellow followed by gray: I want to help other people in order to remain uninvolved? What the...
2. Blue in the last position: Now how did that happen?
3. Actually, the lack of pattern in my choices needs an explanation. The manual doesn't give any. Maybe I'm just too dynamic or complicated or schizophrenic. Or maybe I don't exist and I'm just a figment of my own imagination; hence, the lack of color patterns.
4. Yellow as the lone + function: Happiness as a means and an end? That's crazy.

* The superficiality of violet as an ideal is not my interpretation, it's from Max Luscher's manual.
** BTW, I'll gladly do an 8-color Luscher Test for anyone who wants me to; just give me a free cup of coffee or hot chocolate and a day to interprete your colors. Money will also be fine.